Don't Cry, Sirius, You're Still My Best Friend
by Rhiana Black
Summary: COMPLETED. James is back, and Sirius is free. And they're all scared.
1. Freedom

DISCLAIMER: i don't own them.  
  
Sirius, please don't cry. I swear, Siri, Si, Padfoot, I know you didn't-I swear to God-yes Hes real-I swear I KNOW you never meant to hurt anyone. I know you're so sorry but Paddy theres nothing to be sorry about. Please, please don't cry. You're scared and its obvious, and it pisses me off that anyone was allowed to hurt you. Sirius you know if I had ANY choice at all I'd come there and beat them senseless for ever laying a hand of you. God, Sirius, please don't cry. I always felt weak when you cried. You were strong, even if you didn't look it everyone knew. You might not be the strongest guy outwardly but inside you were the strongest of all of us. I know you're terrified, but can't you tell that I'm near you? You just want a sign, don't you? You need prove that you're still my best friend. Remember, when we were going onto the Hogwarts express for the first time and you asked me if we would drift apart in Hogwarts if you wern't in the same house as me and I say never and I'd beat the sorting hat if it put us in diffrent houses? And you smiled? Just smile like that, Sirius. Smile and push all those horrible feeling away from you. I'm still here I swear I am. I'm watching you-you're moving up towards Remus's house in those horrid woods through the snow. You're shivering from the cold and the fear. Don't be scared, Padfoot, Remus knows. He knows your innocent, he always did. He was scared. I watch him, too, when I'm not watching You or Harry. I hate the Dursleys still. If they die I swear I'll take a pipe to their head as soon as they get here and beat them into a hole in the ground. And Sirius, when you come, I'll hug you and I won't stop. We have enternity, and I promise no one will hurt you. I promise. I'm coming back, Siri, I'm coming back because you need me and NOTHING will keep me from you when you need me. Not even death.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
'Are you indeed James Potter?' The Ministry official asked.  
'Yes.' I said. I was looking around. I was pissed. The dumb Ministry Of Magic had Sirius in FILTHY robes and god hes so thin! How can they do this to my best friend!?!?!? MY BEST FRIEND. WHO DIDN'T BETRAY ME.  
'And who is that? Do you recongnize that man?' He asks.  
Sirius, if I didn't know your eyes so well I'd say no. But their still stormy grey and still need help. 'Yes.' I say, and look intently at you. You look at me and something shines in your eyes-don't cry, Siri, I'll have you free soon. 'Hes my best friend. His name is Sirius Orion Black. Hes thirty-five and innocent.' I say ten add 'And he is in filthy robes and doesn't deserve to be treated like a rat.'  
You look at me and you-oh god you smiled! Yes, thats you. Thats you and you're smiling. Remus wipes his eyes and I can tell he wants to be sitting near you. All thats near you is those stupid Ministry Officials. I'll kill them! Lily smiles at you, and you manage to give her a weak nod. She understands, you're terrified.   
'Mr. Potter, for the time being he is a criminal and deserves death or worse-'  
'SHUT UP!' Thats Harry. He looks like Lily when hes mad. His eyes are dark and he jumped up. Lily glares at the man who said it. 'He. Is. Innocent.' Harry said, near snarling. He really loves you, Sirius.  
'Please sit down.' Dumbledore says from his judges chair. Hes the judge, and God I'm glad. He knows, Sirius. He knows. He believes you. I believe you. Harry slowly takes his seat. From the other side of the court room the guards eye you like they're going to kill you. You shrink down and I want to kill them suddenly. How DARE they threaten you, in any way!?  
'It is the ruling of this court that Sirius Black is innocent of the charges against him.'  
I don't listen to the rest. The pull the shackles off you, and you wobble uncertaintly, then start to fall. I dive out of the witness's stand and catch you, pulling you up.  
'Sirius.' I smile down at you. You nod weakly. Harry runs up and throws his arms around the both of us. Lily comes up, tears in her eyes, and hugs you as tight as she knows is safe, with how skinny you are. Remus closes his eyes against you're shoulder and whispers.  
'Welcome to freedom, Sirius. Its missed you.'  
You smile and close your eyes. I walk you lovingly out of the court room to where a car is waiting to take us to Godrics Hollow, which has been restored. You're too weak for Floo Powder. Normally, even Dumbledore would have had a difficult time getting through the crowds. But Lily and Molly, with their redhead tempers, clear the way and I help you into the Limo. You sit between me and Remus and close your eyes, breathing deeply. You're tired, and therefore everyone in the car says you will sleep.  
Harrys friends are with us. Hermoine and Ron. They really love him, like You and Me and Remmie. Remus is holding you lightly, just with his arms drapped around you protectvly. I smile and he smiles back. You're asleep, curled up to us and clucthing both our robes in your small, skinny hands.  
The communication between me and Remus takes no words. You know that. We could do that. not Peter, but us.  
/He needs sleep/  
-He needs more then sleep, James-  
/No Prongs?/  
-Prongs. He needs more then sleep, Prongs. He needs you to be there..Dumbledore said he'd have nightmares for years-  
/I know...I plan to be there, thank you very much. I was away for twelve years and I'm never leaving you guys again/  
-You never did.-  
I smile and pet your hair. You stir lightly in your slumber and clutch the fabric tighly in your hands. When we get home, an hour later becase Godric's Hollow is a bit out of town, we have to wake you though none were fond of this. You nodded wearily and continued to hold onto my robes, letting Remus go only for a moment as you got out of the car then you reached for him again. He smiled and stepped over willingly, and you continued to clutch both robes.  
Harry tentivly puts his hand on your arm and you flinch or a moment. He goes to move it away, but you let go of both me and Remus-the panic shows momentarily in your eyes, but I place my hand on a skinny shoulder and you relax- and hug Harry softly. He smiles and walks close to you, scared like we'll all dissapere. Poor kid.  
We manage to get in the house and you realize something. You fling yourself at Lily, hugging her. She laughs and whispers into your ear 'I understood, why you didn't talk to me before, Sirius.' You nod softly and hug her for a moment beofre whispering 'I want a hair cut.'  
'Well then, we'll get you one while dinners cooking.' Lily says and smiles lovingly at you, kissing your forehead.  
'Oh,uhm, mum...' Harry starts, looking at the house elf that just entered. 'Hermoine-'  
'They're paid.' Remus says quickly. 'A galleon a week. Wouldn't take any more then that, we tried.' He smiles at Hermoine. She smiles too. God, todays a smily day.  
You detatch yourself from Lily and Harry takes your place. He clings to his mum frantically. He loves her. he loves me too, he makes that apparent. He hugged me a billion times before the trial and actually sat in my lap. How many fathers can say their fourteen year old son actually willingly sits in their lap. ONE. And its Me.   
You're leaning against me. I know you want to be near Remus too, so I make it a point to stand by him. Hell, I missed him as well! He smiles and Lily begins to trim your hair-just above the tip of your ear. She combs it, and shampoos it in the kitchen sink-we won't all fit comfortably in the bathroom and its obvious you have no intent of leaving. I sit by you, rubbing your hand. After your cut, we start to eat.  
Dumbledore cast a charm on you that you won't get sick with going from no food to lots. But still, your hesitant. You look at it and I can tell your hungry but its like your scared. 'Not hungry?' I whisper in your ear. You look at me and cling tighter to my robes, twisting them. The terror shows in your eyes. Moony places a hand on your shoulder and you don't flinch. You don't flinch with me and Moony. But its always been like that. You don't like people touching you, with an exception of me and Moony.  
I remember you curled up with your head on my knee in seventh year. By that time if someone touched you, you would yelp and squirm towards us. Peter grabbed your arm once and you nearly punched him. You don't like touch. But now, you won't let go of my robes, not that I'm trying to make you. You can hold on as long as you need, Siri. You can hold on forever.  
'I...I...' You whimper and look pleadingly to me. Its easy for me to see what you're thinking. Most people can't see past your eyes, they think their like stone. But I see them like oceans. Its hard to get further down past one point, and once your at the bottom its nearly impossible to get up.  
^Jamie, I'm scared please please please I don't know what to do and I just want to relax...dinners such a big deal and and and.^  
/Shhhhh, Sirius. Don't be scared, no one will ever hurt you again. Just relax, Siri./ I massage a bony shoulder lovingly and you breathe a little.  
'Sirius.' Lily says. 'Theres cheese and patatoes...you liked those.'  
'I still do.' You say meekly. Your grip on my robes tightens and twists. I start unwinding your fingers from the fabric and you breath deeper and tears well up in your eyes.  
^ Sorry, Prongs, didn't mean to annoy you...didn't mean to be clingy^ Its not sardnoic, its pained.  
/YOUR NOT! AND YOU HAVE THE FULL RIGHT TO BE CLINGY!/  
You jump alittle and unsteadily poke at your cheese and potatoes.  
^Please....d-don't scream....^  
/Oh god, Sirius, I'm sorry...wanna go lay down? We can eat up there and no one will mind./  
^Y-yes...can Remus come?^  
/Of course he can!/  
-Of course I can-  
/Want anything special, Paddy?/  
You shiver at that name and look at me oddly, then smile softly. You need to be called Paddy, and Padfoot, and things like that to know we love you. And besides, its natural.  
'Lily, can we go upstaires-'  
'Of course! Sirius, you must want to lay down. Anything special to eat?' She asks, piling food on a platter.  
'These cheese n patatoes things...corn beef....And...Cabbage!' You say it ethusaisticly and I raise an eyebrow. "I want cabbage!' You explain. I nod.  
She laughs, piles it up, and sends it up with Remus. Your room is ready. Its right next to Remus's and mine. I won't have you all alone. You have rooms to yourself, but I know you need easy contact.  
'Come on.' I say, and help you to your feet. You start to totter, then almost fall but instantly the platters on the table and Remus is holding you and I've got you by the waist, and Harrys half way out of his chair. We help you up the staires to the room and Remus lays you down on the soft bed.  
'You.' I say, looking down at your small figure. 'Need diffrent robes. Those are filthy.'  
'Oh shut up.' You murmurr, then gasp. You look scared, excpecting to be smacked. I pull you up to a sitting position and the robes off, gently so you know I won't hurt you. 'Sirius...' I whisper. 'I will never, ever, hurt you.'  
^I know^  
'Oh, and those boxers are how old?'  
'Dunno.' Sirius yawned and relaxed and Remus and I undressed him then pulled clothes back over him. I made sure he was wearing silk. Silk or velvet from now on. I thought. Unless you want diffrent.  
I walk out and hear a yelp. 'PRONGS!' Remus shouts and I rush back in. Your whimpering, and instantly reach for me. I hold you until you calms down, petting your pretty black hair. Always was jealous of your hair.  
'You left.' You whimper.  
'Oh I am so sorry.' I whisper, and call for a house elf to get Remus's new silk robes too, then command him to change, his robes are tattered and he deserves the best. He laughs and you smile and reach for him as well.  
We both lay gently near you, close enough so you can feel our weight and know we're near, but far enough so you arent squished or trapped. 'Moony? Prongs?' You whimper, ten minutes later.  
'Right here.' I say.  
'Yes, Padfoot?' Remus asks lovingly.  
'I'm sorry I...I'm sorry I'm such a baby...'  
'WHAT!?' I shout and You cring. I'm sorry.vI bring my voice down. "Sirius, you are my best friend. I would die for you-and live for you, and do anything for you! I fact that you can still talk and make sense after all this is amazing!'  
'You are not a baby.' Remus says in that firm tone that you listen to. 'You're our best friend, and you need to sleep.' He pushes your bangs out of your eyes. 'And then, you need to be held and loved on forever.'  
'I agree.' I say, and you smile weakly. 'Sleep now, paddy, no one will ever hurt you again.'  
'Don't cry.' Remus murmurrs. 'I don't like it when you cry.'  
'I don't either.' I mutter.  
'Me neither.' You say and smile.  
Sirius. Its all okay now. Sirius? Yeah, Sirius, you're still my best friend. 


	2. Insomnia

DISCLAIMER: Not mine.  
  
Siri. You're curled up on the couch by the dieing fire reading a book. Its been two months. Two months since I got you. Took you from those damned Ministry rats. I hate them! Everyone else is asleep. I was, but I woke up again and went to check on you and found you're bed empty. I know you don't sleep sometimes, so Iw ent down here to find you. And I did.  
You're still pale, you always have been. But you've gained a bit of color from playing Quidditch with Harry, so you're not WHITE anymore. You're still thin. I don't press you to eat boatloads. I just make sure you eat everyday and you eat enough to appease me. That sounds so selvish. I don't want to be selvish, Paddy, I just want you okay.  
'Pads?' I ask softly and you look up at me. I smile. You're eyes are relativly clear so I know it wasn't a nightmare; perhaps you just wanted to read. And no one will stop you. Lily tried to, once. Its only because she loves you. I nearly murdered her. I told her I'd be in hell before anyone ever stopped you from having exaclty what you wanted again.  
'Hullo, Prongsie. Did I wake you up?' You asked curiously. I smile and sit by you, and you put your head in my lap.  
'No, Siri, I just woke up and you wern't in your room.'  
'Got bored.' You say, nestling your head against my thigh. I run my fingers hrough your hair and sigh.  
'Paddy?' I ask, and you set your book down and look up with such innocent blue eyes.  
'Yeah?'  
'I promise I'll never leave you again.' I say, choking slightly. You start to talk, but I silence you. 'I promise, I'll always be here this time. I'll never let you get hurt again. No one will *EVER* hurt you. Ever. I swear...you're my best friend, Siri. You know that, don't you? You. Are. My. Best. Friend.' I pull you up and you curl into my side. 'I won't let those damned Ministry pigs hurt you. Ever. You and Remus will never feel pain ever again.'  
'I know.' You say quietly, and theres an odd feeling against my side. I realize your crying and I wrap my arms tightly around you, pulling you into my lap. Your press your head into the joint between shoulder and neck and cry. 'Jamie, Jamie, I don't wanna get hurt anymore.'  
'You won't.' I say, but I say it with someone. Remus is by the couch, eyes ablaze.  
'Siri, Prongs won't let anyone hurt you and I swear niether will I. You got hurt too much.' He sits by us and I smile softly. He rubs your back, not trying to drawl you from my shoulder. Remus knows you too well. He knows me too well. I trust him like I trust you, and I know you feel the same. You sniffle and I can't help burst into laughter.  
You look up like I just shot you and I frown. 'Sirius, wasn't laughing at you. Never laugh at you.' I say, and pull you back. 'It tickled.' You giggle and press your face farther into my neck. That was your second favorite spot to curl up with your face in when we were young and apparently you still like it. Remus keeps rubbing your neck until your limp against my side and breathing lightly.  
'Hes asleep.' Remus whispers. I nod and he smiles. 'Prongs, we're still best friends...right?'  
'YOUR BLOODY RIGHT WE ARE!'  
You wake up with a jump and claw into the flesh of my shoulder. Lily trimmed your finger nails so they didn't cut into your palm when you clenched your fists, and so it doesn't hurt very much but it hurts both me and Remus to see you so terrified.  
'Ppppprongs.' You stutter against my neck. 'M-mmmmoony.'  
'Shhh, shh. We're right here.' Remus whispers as he begins massaging your neck. You cry into my shoulder for about fifteen minutes then look up.  
^Thank you two...^  
-Shut up-  
^I-I'm sorry!^  
-Paddy I was kidding!-  
You snuggle against my side and contently close your eyes. Remus smiles and I stand up, holding you. At the movement your eyes fly open and you claw against my shoulder.   
^Prongs Prongs Prongs Prongs please don't leave Prongs Prongs-^  
/I'm not. I'm picking you up./  
^Moony coming?^  
/Yes/  
-Thanks for asking-  
/Moony are you coming?/  
-Yes.-  
/Great. Come on, Siri, calm down./  
^Don't wanna die.^  
/You won't. Calm down. Come on, Paddy, I'm just taking you to your room./  
I get you to stop clawing and carry you up to the room. Remus follows, holding a jar of cookies you like. Their oatmeal with cream feeling. He coaxes you into eating one and then you drift off to sleep. I stay there the rest of the night, with Remus at my side, watching you sleep.  
END 


	3. Watching You Sleep

DISCLAIMER: Not Mine.  
  
Watching you sleep. Looking down as the eyelashes press against your cheek, and your brow becomes covered in sweat as the nightmare overtakes you. Your eyelids flutter and you toss in your sleep. Instantly, Remus has awoken from his own light slumber. I order him to lay on the couch in your room and try to sleep, that I'll take care of everything. Whenever Lily or Molly has tried in the past to take you off his hands he won't allow it, but now he nods and sits on the couch, half laying, and watches with hope in his eyes.  
I put my hand on you're shoulder. You gasp and squirm but quickly I have you tucked delicately in my arms. You open your eyes and sigh. It annoys you that I stay up to make sure you're all right, you want me to sleep. But you're more important to me. I lay down and you bask in my arms and Remus slides next to your other side. You sigh contentedly and fall asleep. Remus drops off a while later, and I guess I do too because next thing I know its morning.  
'If that isn't adorable, I don't know what is.' Lily says laughingly, standing at the foot of the bed. I can see Remus's eyes peering through his mess of hair, you're big blue eyes peering up from the combination of pillows, blankets, and extra limbs that have covered you during the night. You squirm and give an angry whine when you find you're trapped. Quickly, me and Remus pull you out, as we recognize the dangerous hint in that whine all too much.  
'I don't know how I feel about my best friends trying to suffocate me.' You comment as you pull a shirt on.  
'Breakfast in here, please.' I groan and Remus gives a grunt of agreement. You laugh and pounce on the lump we create on the bed. 'SLEEP. NOW.' I said tiredly and pin you down. You squirm angrily.  
'Stop moving!' Remus whined and swatted absently at you. You laugh and curl up to us, closing your eyes.  
'Aw, mum, you're right they are cute!' Harry says as he puts a tray at the foot of the bed. He jumps on us and I laugh this time, hugging him to my chest and kissing the mess of black hair affectionately.  
'You're father is not a morning person, Harry.' I say. 'And that is not a bad thing.'  
'Oh, of course it's not.' Harry says and laughs, hugging both you and Remus. He gets two hugs (and an affectionate swat on the head) back.  
We eventually get up and eat forcing Harry to stay with us. He doesn't fight, he actually loves being around and sits on my lap again. Yes! Who is father of the year? Me! Me! Me! Afterwards we go practice Quidditch in the yard and around noon we're working on a mix of homework and putting stuff together. He'll go back to Hogwarts in a week, but its obvious for once he isn't desprate. He loves being mean. He loves you. You're such a good God Father Sirius.  
And then at lunch you accidently spill mayoinse on your shirt and chin and it looks adorable-like a puppy. Lily gets out the book she bought us once. 'Taming The Grim.' And you turn into a Grim and show her how very tame you are as she scratches that spot right behind your ears.  
And I realize how much I missed you.  
It makes me pass out. 


	4. Memories Of My Son

cDISCLAIMER: Not mine,  
I have a few questions to answer  
Kitcloudkicker- First of all, as for how did Sirius get so weak pysichally, he underwent a while in Azkaban again when James came back, just for a few days before the trial. And also, after not eating and stuff like that for so long, it'd catch up with him.  
And as for how he got so weak mentally, like clinging to James and panicing when he left the room. His best friend is back and now he can be weak. Before, he didn't fall because he knew no one would catch him. But now, James is back and is already holding him before he falls, so he can let go and be babied. Also, the trial terrified him. He was scared as to whether James and Lily would believe him or not. And besides, all that horror in his life? I'd be weak too.  
Redfeather- He came back by a Coma Curse, which in my opion is to say, Lily loved him like hell too. But because she didn't DIE for him, it put him in a Coma. Thats just one theory of many that I've tested, but I'm not quite sure.  
BY THE WAY EVERYONE  
When James is talking to Harry when hes a baby, there really is a fic where that happens and its called Safe Here With Me and its by Calista Black. Its cute.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I wake up to Remus gently tapping my cheek with his wand, muttering 'wakus waku wakus' over and over again. Softly, I push his wand away so he knows I'm councious. And then a sudden terror overtakes me. I don't see you. 'Sirius!' I gasp and try to stand, realizing I'm in a chair. Remus softly pushes me back down and you walk into view.  
'Jamie.' You whimper and hug me lightly. I close my eyes softly and struggle to remember what happened. 'You passed out...thought you were dead.' The sudden crack in your voice reminds me exaclty what happens and I hold you on my lap, nose pressed against your hair.   
'James.' Remus says, lifting my chin. 'Drink this, please.' I obey, knowing Remus wants nothing but the best and beckon him to sit by us, as I can't hold two men in my lap. He pats the couch and I quietly move over. You sit on my other side, putting me in the middle.  
'Daddy?' Harry's voice comes from the hall. Remus calls him in. I see his bright green eyes covered in tears and he flies into my lap, sobbing quietly.  
'Shh, shh.' I coax, trying to calm him down. 'Its okay, Harry, everythings okay, please, shhh, relax.' I whisper into his hair and after a while he stops sniffling and lifts his eyes to meet mine.  
'What happened?' He whispers. 'You just fell and and and there was blood...daddy.' the last word comes out as a whimper. I frown and a sudden rush of memories...not my memories, his memories, comes over me.  
'STUPID BOY!' The blond woman shouts. Thats Petunia, Lilys sister. And a sudden hand...she hit my son. Sirius, the bitch hit my son! I'll murder her! And now its years later and shes doing it again...god no...this couldn't have really happened...I know they treated him horribly but Sirius I never saw this! Oh god...no...  
The memories stop and hes looking at me, quietly, because he knows I know. 'm sorry, Harry.' I whisper and hug him tightly. 'No ones ever gonna hurt you again...I promise...my baby...'  
He nuzzles against my chest, eyes sliding closed. Remus is snuggled against one side, with my arm wrapped around him, and you're on the other, watching with soft eyes. Your hands have my robes, but its a relaxed hold and I know you aren't scared.  
'Harry, when you were young your mum used to have a hard time feeding you because I never wanted to put you down...she was sick once, and a nurse slapped you...I would have murdered the nurse, but I wanted you to stop crying. So Sirius and Remus came right over, after you fell asleep in my arms, and they threatened her good...and your mum had an absolute fit when she found out...you were such a good baby, Harry. I'm sorry things turned out how they did...'  
'Why should you be sorry, daddy.' Harry mutters into my robes. 'I missed you, yes...but if I grew up normally would we be this close? Or would I be a bratty kid who hated his parents? I love you guys...'  
Your nearly asleep, and so is Remus. I coax Harry into sleeping, gently stroking his hair, and then drop off, with the most important people to me at my sides.  
TBC 


	5. Afterwards

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all other characters belong to JK Rowling.  
  
I wake up, and you're still at my side. Harry is still snuggled up against my chest, but Remus is missing. I quietly shift Harry into your arms, you sleep on contedly and he curls up against you, and I stand up. Stretching, I realize its three in the afternoon. Remus must have gone downstaires after a while. As quiet as I can I poke my head out the door and look around.  
'Hi James.' Lily says and kisses my cheek as she comes up the staires. 'Are they still asleep?'  
'Remus isn't, hes off somewhere-'  
'Kitchen.' She supplies.  
'Sirius and Harry are.' I say. 'Lily...she hit him....your evil sister hit my son!' I suddenly explode. 'I'm going to kill her, and then I'm going to kill the stupid ministry officials, and then I'm going to kill everyone that ever hurt any of them!'  
'James-'  
'NO!' I shout. 'IT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!'  
'Prongs!' You're voice suddenly grabs me and I frown. 'Prongs, settle down...the Dursleys have been punished.'  
'Not enough!' I say, a bit harsher then I mean. You wince, and drop your gaze to the floor. 'Siri....I'm sorry...but they hurt my son...my BABY.'  
'Daddy.' Harry says quietly. 'If you hurt them, you'll go to Azkaban...and I would like to keep both parents. I don't want them dead, I just want them out of my life...please?'  
'Fine..' I say, then mutter 'I still hate the Ministry.'  
'Me too.' You said, then add a big more cheerfully 'Lets go eat.'  
'Allright.' I say and walk down the staires. We sit in the living room, watching a Muggle TV. And suddenly, I realize, I just want peace. I want Harry to feel safe, I want you to never feel pain again, I want Remus to be able to do exacly what he wants.  
'Jamie?' You ask, head pressed into my side.  
'Yes, Sirius?' I murmurr, and twirl a few short locks of your thick black hair in my hands.  
'Am I thin?'  
'Yes.' I say uncertaintly, and gently tug on your hair until you look up at me. 'Why?'  
'Cus...am I ugly?'  
'No.'  
'I think I am.' You say quietly.  
'Well, you wern't in Hogwarts.' Lily says firmly. 'And I think once you put on a few pounds you'll be irristitable again.'  
'Think so?' You say curiously.  
'Yes.' Remus seconds. 'Harry'll have the sexiest godfather around.'  
'Ewwwww, Remmie!" You say and burry your head in my robes. I laugh softly, and tousle your hair, and realazation hits me like a wave.  
I'm not letting you get hurt again. 


	6. Dreams And Memories

DISCLAIMER: Not mine.  
  
You, curled up in Azkaban, shaking, and you're squirming but the Dementor is holding you down. No, no, they aren't supposed to give you the Kiss you'll be free! The trials tomorrow! I know because they have you in those waiting cells but no no no the Dementors hovering over you and its about to....NO!  
'SIRIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' I wail, jumping up in the bed. Lily opens her eyes and looks at me in concern. Remus comes stumbling in, Harry close behind up. I'm shaking but I don't care. 'Wheres Sirius? Tell me where the hell he is!' I shriek.  
'Hes in his bed, I just saw him. Hes reading, James. The door was open when i went past. Hes fine.' Remus says softly, and puts his hand on my arm. 'Come on, I'll show you.'  
I follow him and hes right. Your curled up in your bed, reading a book. At the sound of footsteps you look up and concern spreads across your features. 'Jamie, are you allright? I heard you scream but Moony said to stay here and...' I fly into the bed and twist my arms around you, holding your small figure tightly.  
'Siri, they were gonna give you the kiss...they were gonna...' You try to pull away and reassure me but I won't let you go, and quietly you give in and curl against my chest.  
'Prongs.' You say. 'I have a soul, they didn't kiss me, I promise.' I loosen my grip and let you move, but all you do is sit more upright in my arms and press your face against the crook of my neck. 'Its all okay.'  
Remus is watching from the side of the room with a smile on his face. 'What?' I ask, confused. He smiles more.  
'I remember a scene just like this in third year.' He says. 'When Snape threatened to murder Sirius with a butcher knife and you nearly murdered Snape.'  
'Remember that too.' You say into my neck. Remus sits by us and I lean up against him, and his arm draps around my shoulder. 'Peter pissed himself.' You add.  
We all laugh, remembering. And I start to feel better.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
We stay up the rest of the night talking about old pranks and gimmicks. As dawn comes around you stretch lazily, layed across Remus's and My laps. You give us your trademark cheeky grin that used to woo all the girls and make all the boys wanna be just like you. I smile and close my eyes peacefully, and remember all those time.  
TBC 


	7. Screaming In The End

DISCLAIMER: They belong to JK Rowling.  
  
~~~~  
I hear you screaming.  
It terrifys me and I hurry up from the kitchen where I was helping Lily make breakfast, up the staires, down the hall. Its all a trance. And I realize you wern't screaming. You were whimpering, softly, I don't know how I heard it. But then again, I do. I'm so connected to you. You're screaming inside.  
I instantly have you in my arms, tightly, and you're stormy grey eyes are open, your hands and clutching my robes, your mouth is gasping for air. I sit down on the chair next to your bed and rock you softly, back and fourth, back and fourth. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. I see your skinny chest expanding and collapsing, over and over again. It hurts so bad to see you scared.  
Remus and Lily have entered, after my dash away I knew they'd come. Remus sits by me and gently pats your head. You close your eyes.  
'James'  
'James.'  
'JAMES!'  
trance breaks and the noises fill my ears. I look up and nod. 'Yeah?' I ask, pressing you a bit more into my chest.  
'Relax.' Lilys saying it and I nod and set you on the bed. Your fully awake now, looking at me.   
'I wanna be alone with Sirius.' I say, and they nod. Lily and Remus leave the room and I turn back to you.  
'Let me see.'  
You understand what I want. I want the memories. I want to see what happened when I wasn't looking, because now I understand that I didn't see everything. I want to see so I can understand and prevent anymore pain. You nod and close your eyes, and I'm filled with a rush.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Held down, beaten, black. its all black. Hard to breath. Need Prongs. Prongs is dead. Need him. Moony. Moony hates me. Wormtail. Wormtails a traitor. Prongs I'm sorry. Prongs please. Never would have hurt you. Harry. Harry will be sent to the Dursleys. Lily. Lily Lily Lily. Lilys dead. Screaming. Dark. Pain  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Your screaming.  
No.  
I'm screaming.  
END 


	8. Epilouge

They say I went crazy yesterday.  
Is this how you felt when I died, Siri? Did you see blood pouring or was it nice and clean? You slit your wrists. WHY GOD DAMMIT SIRIUS!? You left a note, said you were sorry. Thought you were a burden. You wern't a burden, Padfoot. DO YOU HEAR ME!? YOU WERN'T A BURDEN!!!!!  
I get to attend your funeral. Harrys here with Lily and Moony, their making plans. Well, Lily and Moony are. Harry is sitting there looking blank. I want to hug him. I _do_ hug him. And he hugs back, sobbing into my shoulder. Hes talking but I can't hear him. Moony squeezes my shoulder. Lily starts crying and leaves. Harry sits by me, eyes closed in relaxation.  
Where are you?  
I miss you so much, Padfoot. Why did you kill yourself? I miss you. I wonder, can you hear me? If you can, Siri, listen. I miss you, and I don't hate you. You were my best friend, my baby brother, my teacher and my student, and above all else you were Padfoot.  
God, Sirius, I miss you.  
I miss your pale skin and skinny arms and hands that used to cling to my robes when you were scared. I miss your big grey eyes, lighting up like a small childs. I miss the way you pouted when Moony said you'd get hurt. I miss the way you snuggled into my lap, head pressed firmly in my neck. I miss pranking with you. I miss laughing with you. I miss crying with you. I miss holding you.  
I miss you Pads.  
END 


End file.
